All men have both a king and a joker in them. Some let their kingness dominate, some rather let the joker play. Its duality- and that's life. So, today my King let his Joker out to play- cue scary music. His joker is so crude, he makes distasteful jokes, basically hes always saying and doing dumb shit. A tool that has helped me to deal with his joker, is my amazing ability to identify “unhelpful thoughts” (any
thoughts that steals joy) and of course understanding duality. Using the ABC thinking model I will demonstrate how
to deal with the stupid shit men occasionally say and do.
A-
Activating
event: (The what)
a. In our
example it’s a Facebook comment- one of my man’s famous immature jokes
i. “sex
is better than traveling”
B-
Belief:
(Our thoughts and how we respond to the what)
a. I
initially felt embarrassed and played – I thought his comment was Tamar Braxton
level shadddyy
i. What’s
the point of such a tasteless joke?
ii. Was he
trying to hurt my feelings? How is this not putting personal stuff on social
media?
iii. Who
else saw it?
C-
Consequences:
how your response/thoughts effect your feelings/day
a. “Unhelpful”
thoughts led to a disappointing day.
i. No longer
fondly reminiscing about the morning sex
ii. Easily
agitated- snapping on everyone for any reason
iii. Being “so
over today”… before noon. Smh.
Now let’s see how happy this hump day can be with the use
of the ABC model of thinking…
A-
Activating
event: (The what)
a. In our
example it’s a Facebook comment- one of my man’s famous immature jokes
i. “sex
is better than traveling”
**the (B) is work the work is done. This is where you choose “Queen or
Crazy… strength or stress”**
B-
Belief:
(Our thoughts and response to the what)
a. He’s slightly
retarded
i. Laugh
it off- choose your battles
ii. He
calls you Nyquil- dispute the negative thoughts
iii. Remind
yourself of all the not so stupid shit he’s said recently- replacing negative
thoughts.
C-
Consequences:
how your response/thoughts effect your feelings/day
a. Helpful
thoughts allow you to move on with your day.
i. Get a
good laugh out a stupid joke.
ii. Plot revenge
iii. When he
tries to get some- tell him “take a trip”
Using the ABC model is a powerful relationship tool, for
any type of relationship. Do you have an idiot boss who is constantly doing and
saying infuriating things? Or a friend who thinks dumb is cute? ABC thinking helps you take control of what
you can control-i.e yourself and how you respond to others. With the ABC model
you can plan ahead for the dumb shit… pick a positive affirmation or a rational
self-statement. A favorite of mine is “he’s as ignorant as he is educated, I accept
duality”. This goes along with the whole grass is greener thing… either water
your grass or learn to love the color.
Peace and love,
Yannie
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